I ended up being too sick to go to class (again) this evening, so I thought it would be nice to do some writing.
This weekend ended up being a huge struggle. I started to feel more sick than normal earlier in the week. I called Dr. L, because I really didn't know what to do. The side effects from all of the medications that I'm on are starting to take their toll on my body, but without the meds, I am severely sick. So he told me to keep taking the Zofran and we agreed on increasing my Reglan dosage. I still am not 100% comfortable taking the Reglan, because of the horror story side effects, but what is the alternative? For now, I will use it as a treatment option and go from there at another time.
Come Thursday, I wasn't able to eat any of the usual soft/liquid foods that my body usually could tolerate. I ended up in the hospital on Friday with abdominal pain, vomiting and dehydration. I originally had an appointment in Newton with my pain doctor, but I was too sick to go up there. I had both my gastro and pain doctor telling me to get evaluated and relief at the hospital. Thankfully, they were able to hydrate me with a few liters of IV fluids, control my nausea with the beloved IV Zofran and got my pain under control without shredding my insides with narcotics. (Narcotic pain relievers have always skyrocketed my abdominal pain. Weird, I know)
I felt relief even after just getting IV fluids in me. Because of the gastroparesis, it's tough for my body to absorb even liquids in a timely manner. If I drink a glass of water, I get full after just a few sips and can't drink anymore. I remember the days when I was sitting on the lacrosse sidelines guzzling water with my teammates in between shifts. It's amazing how I took even being able to drink water for granted.
Spending my Friday in the hospital and weekend in bed was not part of the plan. I learned a long time ago that things don't always go according to plan. And while I was "bummed out" about missing my work's holiday party, calling in sick to work, missing class and being out of touch with the world for a few days, I have to remember that things will get better one day.
During trying times, it's so important not to lose hope. Even if 99% of your hope is lost, it still means that you're holding onto that 1%. That 1% that you held on to could be keeping you from hitting rock bottom. I truly believe that everything we go through is meant to be. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. How do I not know that this is preparing me for something bigger and greater? Sure, I'm ill and my illnesses are chronic.. but there's some sort of meaning behind it. We may not know all of the answers right now, but they will be revealed to us one day. You just have to keep hanging on. I promise, it will all mean something one day.
I just recently finished a book that was required to read for one of my classes. It's called "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success"... it was FANTASTIC. It talks about people having one of two mindsets: The fixed mindset focuses on avoiding challenges and obstacles, giving up, feeling the need to prove themselves over and over again and believing that effort won't change anything. The growth mindset focuses on embracing challenges, thriving on challenging situations, finding inspiration in other's successes and persisting during setbacks.
I love to read and was so happy to read this book. I think it would change the way a lot of people view things and ultimately help people. (That's just my opinion).. The author talked about not letting our experiences define us, but USING our experiences (both positive and negative) to help us become a stronger and better person. Give your challenges the chance to help you grow. Choose growth.
A good "spoonie" friend of mine tweeted this the other day: "I have been through hell and back and going through hell has made me the person I am today, and I wouldn't change that for anything."
What kind of people would we be if times were always "easy"? I honestly don't know how different I would be today if I didn't go through all of this madness over these past few years. If I didn't have these experiences to shape me into the person I am today. I have a LONG way to go in becoming the person that God made me to be, but I wouldn't change my past for anything.
I have really posting on this blog and feel like it has been a big blessing. It means a lot to me that people have made the time to read about my journey and it is my prayer that inspiration is found and awareness is spread. I appreciate every single prayer, word of encouragement and feedback (even negative) that has been given to me. I can't thank you all enough.
My door is always open to answer any questions. I also am always here for prayer requests, whether it's for you or for someone else.
I see my gastroenterologist next week (finally) and am hoping that we come up with some kind of plan since my gastroparesis, abdominal pain and nausea are getting worse. My gastritis/IBS symptoms have been under control (Thaaaaaaanks meds!) Someone told me that I should start blenderizing regular meals so that I would be able to drink them. (Yeah.. let me throw that chicken salad sandwich with potato chips in the blender really quick! #NotHappening) .. I hope to work in eating some soft food and more liquids this week. Like I said, all we can do is hold on to that 1% of hope sometimes.
If y'all could take a few more minutes (I know, I'm killing ya!) and shoot over to http://www.g-pact.org/ ... It just gives a little more info on GP and helps raise awareness. It would mean so much to me.
Take care and God Bless <3
"Hey little fighter, soon it will be brighter."